Wednesday, November 3, 2010

The past is gone, forever.

As much as we all carry around yesterday, we can never ever take it back. Never ever change one thing about it other than how we choose to react and move on from it. Sometimes we waste years and years of our tomorrows dwelling on all the negative that yesterday's permanence holds.

This isn't only true for things we've done to others but the things that others have done to us. No matter how much we wish we could go back and change decisions or choices, there are others who wish they could as well. It's utterly important to remember that everything we did or can do has already been forgiven and paid for on the cross. Christ knew we would do all those things and others would do those things to us and He provided a loving sacrifice to cover those hurts so we wouldn't have to suffer them ourselves. If we choose to dwell on them, we are choosing to disregard His offering of hope for a better life and choose the bitter life, instead.

Are we going to remember? Of course...but we mustn't get caught there.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Welcome back, BeccA!

Please accept my apologies for not posting here in almost a year. One might be inclined to think I haven't had anything to say in this time but its not true. I plan to start blogging here more and more. No holds barred. It's me, uncut.

"What IS going on with me these days?" you ask. There are many aspects of what is going on with me. Work, personal, family, physical, spiritual. Here we go...

Work: I'm still working full time at the same place, 12 years now. I'm about 3 months away from my 2 year anniversary of employment at my second job; glad to be reporting I now have 1 dedicated shift per 2 week pay period. I'd like more, will keep holing out for that and filling in for other people in the meantime. I now sell Miche Bags! Please inquire, lots to say there.

Personal: Sigh. It's still just me. I'm resting in the knowledge that I'm happier alone than with someone I'm not supposed to be with. Temptation is all around and it's been quite a while since I've experienced the full sensations of lustful sin. Sometimes I feel especially vulnerable but I will NOT compromise and give in to my flesh for a moment of faux pleasure. I've learned from my checkered past, I know it will not satisfy what I really desire.

Family: My mom has lived with me the past 3 years and is now moving into her own place. I'm so happy for her to be taking back the reigns of her own life! She has gone through so much over the years and overcome many painful obstacles. It's about time for her to enjoy living!

Physical: The past couple of months I have been diagnosed with high cholesterol & gallstones. WAKE UP CALL, RIIIIINNNNG! Ok. Sometimes it takes reality to slap you in the face before you can kick that rebellion to the curb. The truth is, every time I open my mouth to eat or drink, I've just made a decision about what to put in and I am in control of it. It was like all of a sudden, my eyes were open and I could see me inside myself. I am wearing a fat body to shield and guard my heart. It's like a lead suit that someone is holding a gun to my head and forcing me to wear. Then I realized, I'm the one holding the loaded gun on myself! Only I can change what goes in my body, so I did. Just like that, bye-bye bad fats! The gallbladder surgeon said I should also be eating a diabetic diet. Still learning about that one. So far, I feel amazing! For anyone suffering inside a painful fat body, please consider that you are the only one who can get you out of it! You don't have to lose a million pounds...even 10 or 20 will get you feeling better and more able to go through your day. I was miserable! Today I feel great and I know it will only get better and better from here!

Spiritual: I am blessed! Right now I am in a bible study facilitated by my mom. It's by Nancy Leigh DeMoss called A Quiet Place of Rest. It's all about the importance of having a devotional life. It's gooooood!!! I will use other posts to highlight some of the good bits I've found in the study. Churchlife is iffy. My church is going through some pains right now, please keep us in your prayers. Sin has a terrible effect on the lives of believers and this is no exception. The only thing I have to say is, I am resting in the fact that God has a plan and He already knows the outcome. I have to trust that there is divine meaning in whatever that outcome will be and continue to have faith that anything that comes (good/bad/ugly) will be driven by His will to guide me to the next steps on my journey. And that goes for everyone involved. Keep us in your prayers!!

So that about sums things up for now. I am planning more posts soon, so stay tuned. :)

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Calgon, take me ..... to Walgreens!

So, I just discovered a PATCH of silver in my hair! Metallic, glistening, silver shining proudly there amongst it's brunette neighbors. My mind cries out, "There goes the neighborhood!"

Guess I'm gonna have to find a better dye. I feel I'm going gray before my time, perhaps my momma and grandma had a day like today at some point in their lives. How could this be happening already? Where did the time go? Don't I still have a ton of life left to live?

Of course, this comes on the eve of my 36th birthday. I shall face this head on (pun intended). I can use my resources to stave off some of the visual affects of getting old in some simple ways-for as long as I can. At some point though, gray hair or not, I will have to come to terms and embrace what this season brings to my life, emotionally and spiritually. It reminds me that this world is not my home! Soon this tent will be decaying in a grave somewhere and then...for all of eternity, I will enjoy what is promised to me from before the foundations of the earth were laid! No more pain, no more sorrow, no more strife. Forever in paradise with God and Jesus and everyone else that has accepted His sacrifice and taken His name onto their earthly lives as the only acceptable payment for the debt they owe.

Time is speeding by. The window of opportunity is quickly closing. If only I could bring everyone I love along! Unfortunately, that is not to my decisions. So I do the only things I can. I can pray for them and I can show, through my life's witness, that God is a Holy and forgiving and loving Father who created us knowing we would fail Him! He loved us enough to provide a lamb because our tainted blood could never be "good" enough.

Praise the Lord!

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Bible study notes: Running nowhere in every direction - Week 2

Week 1 is always the introduction and rules and such, so there's not much insight to glean. Each week we will have 2 lessons to do homework on.

The first lesson is on 'My schedule'. Boy do I have some changes to make! I need to find a better balance between working and home and all these other things that pulls me and my time away from what I want to and need to be doing with my life. It's stressful to be constantly in the beginning of everything! I feel like all these things I've always wanted to do and be are still waiting for me to start achieving. Life just gets in the way...So I need to find a balance and contentment on that journey.

The second lesson this week is on 'Expectations'. Now this is a great topic for me! Over the past few years, I have learned alot about unfulfilled expectations. There are alot of people in our lives who have certain expectations of us, including ourselves. One of the stories we studied was Mary and Martha from Luke 10. Martha had expectations of herself for all she had to get done and she certainly had expectations for what she thought Mary should be doing to help her get everything done! When she brought it up, Jesus said, on the contrary! Mary's got it right, being here with me. When you pair up the Proverbs 31 woman with this story, it seems like a contradiction but think of it like this: It's wonderful to be great at home and work and parenting...but your relationship with God is more important than all of it! Because without it, we will fail miserably :)

Parents, be careful with how many expectations you put on the kiddos. They need to do their activities out of fun and fellowship purposes...not because they are afraid to disappoint their parents and potentially lose their affection.

I've said this before and I'm sure I'll say it again. If you are living in a sad and disappointed hole because of the way your life has turned out vs. the way you expected it to when you were have to find a way to mourn the loss of those ideas about the way life was 'supposed to be'. Only when you find ways to mourn it and get past it, will you be available to dream new dreams for yourself! Don't waste your life dwelling on what could have been. It's upsetting enough that those things are going unfulfilled, don't let years pass by with more and more unfulfillment piling up!

Finally, we read from 'The Message', Matthew 11:28-30:
Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me-watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythm of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly.
I ended my study tonight with a simple prayer that I'd love to share with you. 'Jesus, teach me to rest! To put away the burdens of this life and find you where you wait for me, the flowing refreshing currant of your river of grace! It's a happy place to arrive!'

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Guilty as charged: neglect in the 1st degree

Wow. I have severely neglected this blog. This blog is my blog, my personal thoughts and life blog. You won't find any advertisements. There will be no discussing of what's going on in the news unless I am directly affected. This is the place where I can come and be me. I want to use this space on the net to express myself in the most honest way I can, to feel free to say what I want and need to say! I'm a bit disappointed that I have not utilized this platform more. Well, things they are a'changing!

There has been so much going on the past few months, crazy busy schedules and events pulling me to and fro. Momma was in the hospital. I will write more on that in another post. I haven't been to church for a Sunday morning service in 2 months or more; this does not make me happy. It only adds to my stress because I feel less 'in touch' that I feel when I am around my church family and fellowshipping and singing out loud some praises. Not lost at all, just not in my favorite comfort zone. And with me, when my spiritual life is feeling off, it directly affects all other aspects of my life.

In future posts, I plan to write about alot of things that have been going on lately. Here's a list of topics to watch out for:
  • Reuniting with old friends through Facebook
  • Momma being in the hospital
  • My friend Jen's illnesses
  • My new/old relationship with a friend, Kim
  • My special friendship with Jenn (different one, pay attention to spelling or you will get confused LOL)
  • My continued haunting/mourning of an unrequited 'love' and what I've learned from the experience
  • A new friend, Darlene
  • Taking pictures while driving
  • Taking notes while driving (do you see a trend starting?)
  • Upcoming bible study: Running nowhere in every direction
  • A revelation about being crucified with Christ daily
  • My OCD issues
  • Free will is very expensive
  • There's more to losing weight than just weight loss
  • A new perspective on the oldest thorn, the sin nature
  • Finances
  • Sitcoms are my never ending books, that's not good
  • Annoyed with being ignored-no call backs, no re-emails
These are just a few of the things floating around in my head that I want to blog here about. The list will grow as things come to mind. Please come back to visit, please comment, let me know you are alive and reading this and want to interact with me. Thanks for reading today, have a great afternoon!

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Cup of tea

One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me.

I was maybe 2 1/2 years old and had just recovered from an accident.

Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys.

Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water.
After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home.

My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!' My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up.

Then she says, (as only a mother would know... :)

'Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?'

This story was emailed to me by a friend. Too funny!

Thursday, February 5, 2009

A quote for the day...

"The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him." -G.K. Chesterton